Debunking the myth around becoming your best self*

By now, probably everyone has heard of the idea of *becoming your best self*, essentially transforming into the superior version of yourself, who will fulfill your dreams, accomplish your goals, and live a happier life.

I understand and support the notion that we all have (or we all are) different versions of ourselves throughout our lives. The information and knowledge we acquire, the experiences we have, and the events that we are involved in shape our reality. Consequently, we can change our opinions, views, and preferences. Thus, we are entitled to change ourselves and to create a different version of ourselves if this is what we desire.

I’m all about creating a life you are proud of and enjoy living, owning your narrative, and being your own storyteller. However, I disagree with the statement that there is a certain *superior version of yourself*, who you should be aspiring to become. I believe that there’s no such thing as *best self*, or rather, you are your best self already.

So let me share with you how I came to this realization.

What is “your best self”?

Even though I conducted extensive research on where the idea of becoming your best self originates from, I couldn’t find any legitimate historical proof of who came up with this theory. It seems that at some point in the last decade, the notion of the best version of yourself simultaneously started gaining traction across blog and video platforms, self-development books, guides, and TED talks.

By 2020, most aspiring personal development gurus or self-proclaimed coaches have touched upon the subject and have their own opinion on the matter. However, it’s a common belief that the *best version of yourself* is “the smartest, best looking, fittest, funniest, best dressed, most compassionate, loving person you’ve ever been.” Your *best self* is not an unattainable version of you in the distance, but a “work in progress” project, that you can complete via “optimizing all areas of your life to encourage growth, limiting distractions and focusing on the goals you want to achieve.“

What are the basic principles of becoming the best version of yourself?

1. Visualize your future self/think bigger/follow your dreams
2. Enact your best self/leave your comfort zone/motivate yourself
3. Form good habits/focus on self-development and self-care

Why the idea of your superior self is flawed, and how does it negatively impact you

I. Comparison

The fact that the idea about *your best self* is based on a subjective and biased comparison (good, better, best) makes it inherently flawed. In his book, The Personal MBA, Josh Kaufman describes the comparison fallacy as the assumption that “it’s possible to compare your skills, priorities, goals, and results with other people in an accurate and useful manner”. In this sense, what could be even worse than comparing yourself to other people is comparing yourself to an imaginary *better* version of yourself.

Furthermore, if you aspire to become *the best version of yourself*, you accept that you are less than that, and hence you are not yet entitled to whatever you want to achieve personally and professionally. Such faulty thinking might lead to questioning and dismissing your true (current) self, self-sabotaging, and forming limiting beliefs.

The sole idea of *becoming a better version of youself* implies that you are not good enough. Nowadays, as we’re all fighting our battles around diversity, integrity, and inclusivity, the seemingly inspirational and wholesome theory of becoming a better version of yourself could do more harm than good.

II. Wishful thinking

According to Dr. Bennet, wishful thinking is when “the desire for something to be true is used in place of, or as evidence for the truthfulness of the claim.” In his article on wishful thinking, Dr. Bennet states that wishful thinking is a cognitive bias than a logical fallacy. While biases affect how you interpret and process information, fallacies relate to how you construct your arguments and communicate your ideas. A cognitive bias, however, is often the inclination to commit a logical fallacy in an argument.

Applied to the theory of the best self, this means that wishing on something to be true because of imaginary benefits or forming convictions that something is true based on favourability than on actuality can mislead your evidence evaluation and can affect your decision-making.

Put simply, you replace facts about yourself with biased thoughts and imaginary beliefs about the *best version* of yourself. Thus you create (and start living with) the idea of your *best self* and start losing touch with your immediate thoughts, feelings, and emotions, eventually forgetting to live in the present.

III. The monetary value of your *best self*

It’s no secret that self-improvement costs time and effort. However, it seems that the notion about becoming your *best self* was created and popularized predominantly for monetary gains.

It is claimed that “all starts in the mind”, yet there are far too many material prerequisites for becoming your *superior self*. The *best self* toolkit consists of acquiring aesthetically pleasing accessories, purchasing planners, journals, books, tutorials, and courses, booking coaching sessions and seminars, and attending self-development, mindset, or spiritual networking events.

Even though many supporters of the *best self* theory teach you to start visualizing, enacting, and developing the best version of you, they don’t fail to deliver or refer to paid products and/or services. Even the authors of the free resources I came across advise you to spend X amount of money on your self-improvement project and convince you that the *best version of yourself* is deserving of this investment as if becoming your best self has a price tag.

Three simple reasons why you are your best self already

1. While the existence of a superior version of yourself is a tempting idea, all you have in the present moment is yourself, which by default makes you the best version of yourself – alive, competent, and capable.
   
   With your existing knowledge and information, you are best equipped to deal with the challenges you are facing right now. There’s no need and no use of considering what any other version of yourself would do in this situation because there is no way of knowing what your best version would do when you don’t yet have their learnings, wisdom, and life experience.
   
   
2. While your thoughts create your perception of the current reality, your actions determine your future.
   
   You have the power over the response to your thoughts and emotions, and you can take decisions and make amendments. You have full ownership of your life right now, which makes you the best version of yourself.
   
   
3. While effort is subjective (working hard or hardly working?), and the value of money varies (macroeconomics 101), I believe that time is our most valuable resource.
   
   Instead of spending your time researching, visualizing, and wishing upon becoming your best version, try being more intentional with your time, e.g., making the best of the current situation, doing things you enjoy, and engaging in meaningful interactions with people.
   
   After all, do you think *the best version of yourself* would waste their time contemplating how their *best self* would look or act?

Conclusion

In the course of our lives, we acquire knowledge and information, interact with people, form opinions, develop feelings, make little everyday choices, and big life decisions. As a result, there are multiple versions of ourselves at different points in our lives. Claiming that another version of ourselves is inferior or superior is inherently flawed and could be detrimental to our self-esteem and self-respect.

There is no need to look into the mirror and to picture the *the best version of yourself*. You should only look at yourself in order to acknowledge and appreciate who you are right at this moment, for that is all you have now.

Self-improvement and self-development can positively impact the quality of your life if you approach them from a self-loving and self-caring perspective.

*Dear reader, as my blog is all about integrity and inclusivity, I want to advise you that this particular blog post is intended to challenge the theory of the *best self* as described in my blog post and prove that you are your best self already, considering the implications of the *best self theory*.

Hence, I am not touching upon sensible subjects as:
a) personal mental and physical challenges and/or disabilities
b) traumatic personal or community experiences, causing physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological harm
c) global problems as poverty, homelessness, and illness

Thus the statement “you are your best already” should not be applied to the above and should only be applied as far as the described in the blog post theory about the *best self* is concerned.